| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|04:40 pm] |
i will be aunty maddi any day now... (Nathan not kent is having a baby).
i have met a really nice girl named jen (but she lives in canberra)
i have now been with a boy (really drunk and a very funny story)
Work is killing me, i hate being behind a desk all day (so i'm applying for the national art school in sydney for next year, i have been painting again... Ha)
i had 2 grand saved to go to europe but had car problems (so that's gone)
It has been a year since we all left school and i image everyone is thinking about everyone else as much as i am.
i live in a vegan house in adamstown and all i want is for someone familiar to come over and drink tea with me (and if it wasnt for all the bike riders i would say i'm lonely) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|02:50 pm] |
So i have started my new job,
i'm living in adamstown, with no meat allowed.
I have the house mostly to myself
and my room mate is lovely.
.
.
.
i am happy now. some days more then others, as it is very stressing to learn a new job... and do it well. But my boss is lovely and has not dug the knife in yet.
.
.
.
I had a horrible dream last night, that a little boy vomitted all over me. and he had a look in his eye like he was enjoying it.
I'm going to buy myself a bottle of wine, play music really loud on my room mates amazingly loud Cd player, paint, and smoke, and be very alone this friday night... i like that i can be alone now. |
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| i'm losing my Job. MMMM |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|01:32 pm] |
So i found out yesterday that my job is being made redundant.
i have to work for another month and then leave. (About 20 other people in the office are exprenicing the same thing)
The werid thing is i felt calm about it, i didn't get angry, i didn't cry. i just comforted everyone else.
Trudie tried to give me sympathy with a pathatic hug but what tipped me over the edge was the fact that as we are sitting at the del and i'm on my 3rd wine she says "Oh you know it was so hard for me today seeing all my friends being layed off, i couldn't stop crying you am i going to talk to in the office now." i felt like say "you still have your job mother fucker, you can put $20 in the pokies and not think about it! i can't, you fucking cunt... i have worked my arse of in this job for 4 months and not been paid for it... and your trying to tell me about how hard you day has been!!!"
i could have killed her.
insted i stood up went to the toliet and slaped the hand dryer.
.
.
.
i'm considering (after my last pay goes in) to see how much stationary i can steal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|01:11 pm] |
i had a dream the other afternoon.....
.
.
You had left newcastle to go to brisbane and then returned.
You asked me to join you and your new "thing"
at the libary for drinks,
after you and your "thing" went into the toliet,
and left me in the libary by myself.
i knocked on the toliet door only to be told by you to "fuck Off"
.
.
I woke up shaking, and sweating. i rang you to ask how have been and you informed me that you just got back from Brisbane 2 hrs ago and was at the pub when i rang.
...
.
i giggled, ended the phone call with a polite "We should hang out sometime", went to the bathroom and through up.
------------ and the shit thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened with you.-------------
Note: See previous entry. |
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| When you wake in the morning give ya mama kiss. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|10:31 am] |
i'm going to sydney to visit my Lizard in her new place,
i looked at the moon last night cause someone told me to.
i'm going to karina's house for curry chicken,
i looked in the mirror this morning and smiled...
.
.
whatever each moment holds as it sweeps over me, i'm going to find a beautiful surprise
BCAUSE I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO HOLD ME,
or make me happier then what i am now. I don't give a fuck about my job, and thats fine. I just want to walk next to the water alone becasue thats what i love, and it loves me too.
/oh and now i'm almost ready to say "i love both of us", but maybe i'm just forgetting you/ which is fucking awesome. |
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| FUCK YOU!!! |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|01:41 pm] |
When was is it that i slapped that giant neon sign on my chest saying "I'LL BE ANYONE'S BITCH, JUST WALK ALL OVER ME, DON'T WORRY I WON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M A BIG PUSSY!"
.
.
.
Don't ask me for another fucking thing, i'm all out of compassion at the momment and it's not on back order either, so don't fucking ask!. |
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| TIA |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|02:35 pm] |
Tia if you read this, i'm sorry i have no cedrit...
and if you meant to send me that msg, then my answer is "I'm fine, thankyou for asking" and my question is "how are you?"
.i miss you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|06:48 pm] |
so this is the part where i pull over my car,
stare at the water and fading light.
i saw a house on fire, i kept driving... i didn't care.
>.>.>>>....
>.>..>>>....
>.>...>>>>....
everybody is in someone's arms tonight/ the water is boiling over on the stove/my ciggarette is burning down on it's own. /i swim to a druken bed only to awake and work and find another drink again/
.
.
.
i am moving into town soon. maybe brighter street lights will help? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2005|10:34 am] |
i can't believe how trashy livejournal has become.i really can't be bothered anymore. i'm fed up with this shit.
. i missed you so much last night./././
just to be trashy.or truthful... i guess i can't distinguish colours anymore. |
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| What are friday nights for? |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|06:20 pm] |
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? why did i drink so much ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Why did i feel so dirty ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Why did i kiss that girl????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I really don't care anymore ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????? Oh Fuck it. |
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| oh horrible Tuseday. |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|04:35 pm] |
So i have been having a many late night realizations, as you do when you don't have a bed time or a lover to go to bed with.
but i dare not list them...beacause there MINE!
Tomorrow will be Tuseday, and i'm scared of Tuseday.
.
..
...
/i remember when it was easy to write/ playing was the emtional deepth of the day/ i'm still holding on to hope somehow/ i'm still waiting for the chance to have a holiday/ i'm waiting for the momment when i ring my own bell/ when i work for something much better and bigger then this/ i'm really going no where/
.
.
.
It is only when an artist suffers some kind of pain that they create there best works, i never believed this untill i realized it's only after i feel 'some kind' of 'pain' that i create anything at all.
.
..
...
/ i went from feeling young and small to feeling old and still not very tall/
.
.
.
i want us to twist our tounges again. i wonder if you miss that place in your chest. i wonder if your ever really performing at you best/ wow you take alot of drugs, it must seem alot prettier from your back row seats. |
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| 4:45 pm |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|04:45 pm] |
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i just want to go home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|01:53 pm] |
i had a dream....
i asked you
and you said it was true....
.
.
.
.
i feel sick to my stomach
and i can't control myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|11:05 am] |
i saw something un easy in her,
something that re-minded me to well of
the years that have gone by.
it was the patch worked parts of myself
that at the time i was so sure wasn't manufactued...
i remember waking up crying that morning
.
.
.
.
- it was nice to walk in the rain with you.
- it was nice to talk to you.
- i hope i get to see you again soon.
.
.
.
/i hope i go numb soon/ |
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| she's gone... |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|04:44 pm] |
i was greatful for every second of your company,
.
.
and i know thats what i miss most,
.
.
i just wish you had been as well.
.
.
.
i think it would have worked for longer,
if you could have still mustered up enough corage to care. |
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| Ember Swift |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
I won free tickets yesterday, weeeee for free.
.
.
.
on my way home from work,
ring ring, ring ring... hi mum...
yeah sure i'll go,
i have to review it on the radio,
ohh....ummm....ahhh,
OKAY.
.
.
.
i drank beer with steve, as you do.
i smiled, as you do.
i said hi to you, as i do.
i listened, i drank more beer, i went home...
. got into bed once again after midnight.
.
.
.Oh i learnt something as well,
But if you can't say something nice...i quess i'll keep it to myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|04:48 pm] |
i hadn't seen that in months....
Why after all this time?
only at our rawest do we stop trying to understand &
Stop caring & we give in to what we don't want.
Feeding the demons we have.
Feel sickly full & semi- satisfied on the walk home.
We don't taste. Just remember the smells we took for granted.
& the feelings of touch that we both crave and giggle about together.
And it would be great if you came over tonight,
It's never to late for another goodbye.
.
.
.
.
Because i love you,
like i love all my demons. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|09:46 am] |
would you still hum against my hip bone,
if i didn't have to ask you to?. |
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| MY GROWING LOVE, OH BASTET SPEND YOU LIFE WITH ME. |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|05:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | paradigm- Ani D. | ] |
I BOUGHT A KITTEN AND HER NAME IS BASTET, AND SHE WILL LOVE ME FOREVER AND EVER AND WILL NEVER LEAVE ME! SHE WILL NEVER QUESTION HER LOVE FOR ME...AND I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY MIND GAMES WITH HER, I WILL LEARN FROM MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CAT, POSSIBLY EVEN HOW TO CONDUCT ONE WITH A HUMAN.
I'LL SHARE MY BED WITH A KITTEN AND SHE IS MORE THEN WELCOME TO CURL-UP IN MY HEART, I DON'T EVEN MIND WHEN SHE SNEEZES ON ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THEN EATS MY EAR.
I'M ALREADY GETTING THAT MOUTH WATERING ANTICIPATION FOR HOPE AGAIN. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|03:52 pm] |
hey everyone,
Just thought i'd try and fill people in.
Trudie and i have moved in together and i have been promoted no longer a Reciptionist i am a Land Access Administor, oh yeah and i now have brown hair.
i have been looking into tickets to Europe in December this year, i want to get the fuck out of Newcaslte.
Brooke if you read this i miss you so MUCH!!!!!, and i want to come down this weekend but i can't because i have no money. But i get paid soon so after that i'll be on the next train.
I'm finding it so fucking borring working in an office but it's good to have money (most of the time).
Fiona and i are still together, and she is trying to find a job out of Newcaslte, so i know we aren't going to be together for a long time.
It's been really strange seeing all the little kiddies going back to school and realising that i am not going to see everyone again, it's hitting me harder now then it did when we finsihed, i knew it would.
Just a Question but what happened to Mitchell at janice's 18th, and Mitchell if you aare reading this "where the Hell are you", i havn't seen you in years.
Kate Macca trudie know's that you have been trying to get in contact with her, and she will call you within the next few days (we just havn't had the phone connected yet).
xoxoxoxoxoxo
let me know what your all up to
your all fucking beautiful. |
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